Better Than Before!

So I’m super pumped because I am at 73kgs which is below the weight I was at last year when I stopped my routine and gained 6kgs. It wasn’t even hard! That’s what was most surprising. I am just being careful of what I eat and tracking every thing in My Fitness Pal. I even track on my bad days just to remind me of what I’m eating and drinking. It has given me a lot of hope for the next leg of the journey. Next goal to be in the 60’s! Woohoo!rirzdg7ihuub2

Current Weight: 73kg

Weight Lost: 22kgs

A Little Reminder

I think that during a weight loss journey it is easy to forget where you started and how far you’ve come. I often look in the mirror and see no changes and feel sorry for myself. Recently while scrolling through some old pictures I found a picture of me during December 2014 when I was in japan. Needless to say I was shocked. I was stunned by how large I was. At the time the picture was taken I never allowed full body pictures of myself so it’s rare that I see what I was like. At the time I was around 95kg and I remember going to universal studios Osaka and I wasn’t allowed on the rollercoaster because the mechanism wouldn’t go down and that moment right there changed everything. It was the first time my size held me back physically from something I wanted to do. That being said it took a while to figure out how I was going to change. But I’m doing it and I started and that’s what matters and I still have a long way to go and that’s ok too. I just want to share this with you all to let you know that what you’re doing whatever it is great and to remind you not to forget where you came from.

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If you’re somebody reading this and you don’t know where to start just do something…anything. Small changes will snowball and you will be able to change your life. If you quit now you’ll be back to where you started and if you’re back to where you started you’ll wish desperately to be where you are now.

 

Current Weight: 77kg

 

Balls and Barf A Winning Combo

Hello old friend. So what’s been happening? I feel like not a lot. I’ve hit a slump and I’m currently working my way out of it.

So last week I went to my first Uni ball. It started great. I had the best time getting ready. I got my dress from ASOS and was feeling amazing.

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Lets start with my first mistake. During the day I was nervous for some reason and I didn’t eat a lot before I went out. I also assumed they would be serving vegetarian food. I was wrong. Mistake number two, when I got there I was super anxious ( I honestly have no idea why, I’m usually a mega extrovert and being around new people is exciting) so I thought it would be a great idea to have 3 glasses of sparkling wine that they were pouring for free. This stupidity continued for ages. I lost track of how many drinks I was having. The last thing I remember I was talking to a friend and the next thing I’m outside without my bag completely confused. A lovely kind group of girls helped me out and called my phone. Thank the lord my best friend had it. So she came out and called my brother. Then I black out. But here is a list of the stuff I did.

  • Ran out into traffic to hail cabs we didn’t need
  • Made out with a guy (no idea who)
  • I sung a beautiful rendition of Nena’s 99 Luftballons. The German version might I add.
  • Went through a McDonalds Drive through and didn’t get anything (I’m proud of this one)
  • Then I puked in the drive through
  • Then puked around the corner from the McDonalds
  • Told some concerned girls to “F*** OFF B****ES” (not proud of that one)
  • Charged up the stairs and passed out in my bed after undressing myself and brushing my teeth.

And I did this in a full-length ball gown and 6 inch platform heels. I deserve an award or something. Also the calories in one glass of sparkling wine are around 90cals and I had around 12 or more so around 1080 calories. That is nearly a whole days worth of food for one night of weakness. Not to mention the absolute crap I ate the next day to make myself feel better. Which would have been around the 2000+ mark. So needless to say I’m still recovering emotionally and physically from that debacle. I am so glad that there are no after pictures of me in that state. THANK YOU JESUS! I mean this seriously I’m never going to drink like that again.

Current weight 82kg

Bulimia is a Bitch

Ok so this week has been all over the place and I have fallen into old patterns and I feel like writing down my make me stop ignoring it and face it. So in my life I’ve done some pretty stupid shit to lose weight but when I was around 15 I made the dumbest mistake. So I went vegan with my friends to lose weight after we all read a book called Skinny Bitch. One night my brother ordered a bacon pizza from dominos and he offered me a piece. I said no but he kept pushing me and convincing me. So I had a slice. After about ten minutes this wave of guilt just came over me. Guilt for eating meat and cheese and guilt for eating shitty food. I felt like I had eaten poison and I had to get it out. So I went into the shower and made myself vomit. After I did it it was like something clicked in my head. Kind of like my mind said I could eat what ever I wanted and just get away with it.

I had my 23rd birthday this week and I’m still not over this stupid thing. I feel like every time I get me shit together and try to lose weight the right way ie eating healthy and exercise I fuck it up eat something “bad” get guilty and start all over again. This has gone on for eight years.

This week of all weeks has been the worst in a long time. even on the day of night of my birthday I was considering purging the slice of cake I ate. MY BIRTHDAY CAKE! Tonight was another bad night. I knew I would have the house to myself so I ordered a pizza got some chocolate and candy and ate it…all of it. I did it incrementally whilst drinking a lot of water. I vomited around four times. I still feel like I didn’t get it all out. But in my mind I keep saying to myself that I will just go really hard at the gym tomorrow. But I know full well that tomorrow I’m going to be lethargic and tired. So in turn I will start dieting really strict again and I will probably have another fuck up and just start the cycle again.

I’m out of control.

Current Weight: 84kg